What I mean by “Be whom you have been praying for” is be the person you desire as a husband. In my personal opinion it isn’t fair to place a demand on someone that we haven’t placed on ourselves. Expecting greatness from your mate and you are offering mediocrity isn’t fair and it will not add to the relationship you desire. It will only add stress and frustration.
I experienced this in the early years of my marriage. I expected so much from my husband because I expressed to him the struggles I was personally trying to overcome. I thought he should understand and give me time to sort out my issues. I did not understand at the time that my issues were now his issues and he made the choice to take them on.
Our marriage was in a place of struggle and inconsistency for quite some time. We were struggling to get to know one another, manage a blended family, and manage finances all while trying to overcome my personal struggles! The person that was affected the most during this time was my husband. He was beyond loving, patient and understanding. He refused to let me go through this season alone. Did he express his frustrations and did we argue? Absolutely! He didn’t know his wife and I didn’t know who I was. We literally was learning who I was daily!
With much prayer, patience and therapy we have been able to overcome together. His love and support made me easier to love! Owning up to my flaws allowed us to have a healthy marriage. Often times we hear stories of the women being their husband’s support system but in our case he made me better!
Ladies, are we who we are asking for in a mate? Take a minute to really think about this question. If we are given our hearts desire will we be able to maintain the front? More than likely we wouldn’t. Maintaining what is not authentic is burdensome, expensive and a waste of time.
Do we really have the time to invest to something that isn’t real? No, we do not but many women do it all the time. Being married does not heal daddy issues, molestation, rape and any other traumatic experience. Marriage will only magnify your issues! Be who you want you mate to be or have patience to assist them with coming their best selves!
Shanequa Dawn Olatokun
Relationship Blogger/Contributor